5 Reasons
by ShadowofaHeart
Summary: In which Riku gives 5 reasons as to why he doesn't believe in Santa Claus.


**A/N: The estimates here are not my own.**

_**5 Reasons**_

_In which Riku gives 5 reasons as to why he doesn't believe in Santa Claus._

It was that same time of year again: Christmas time. And like every year, Sora and Riku were at that age-old argument once again:

_Does Santa Claus exist?_

Sora, at age six, was determined to prove his point and make Riku a believer this year. However, the odds weren't in his favor. His parents took Riku's side, saying he was too old for this anyway, while Kairi had chosen to avoid them completely. Now, they stood in his living room, challenging each other. Sora had his arms crossed, a pout forming on his lips, his eyes narrowed as he tried to win this argument. Riku, on the other hand, had his hands in his pockets, his face completely blank. Finally, Sora blurted out:

"Give me five good reasons as to why Santa isn't real!"

Riku, much to Sora's chagrin, smirked, as if expecting this. His outburst had caught some of the adults – and Kairi's – attention, and they awaited Riku's response. The seven-year old took a deep breath, then began:

"One. No known species of reindeer can fly. And while there are at least 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified – though most are insects and germs – this neither completely rules out nor proves that they exist. But logically, you know they can't.

"Two. There are at least two billion children in each world, not including people over eighteen. At an average of 3.5 children per household, that's around 91.8 million homes. And there's at least one good child in each.

"Three. Santa has, at most, thirty-one hours of Christmas to work with in each world, what with time zones and the rotations of the worlds. This works out to about 822.6 visits per second. That means that Santa has 1/100th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh, and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around each world – which, of course, we know isn't true but for approximations we will accept – we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles around each world, not counting stops for the bathroom and feeding and stuff. Now estimating that with the time it would take to get to each world, while avoiding what space junk and other things during space travel, we would have Santa's sleigh moving at over 650 miles per second, which is 3,000 times the speed of sound. A reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles an hour.

"Four. The payload of the sleigh. Assuming each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set – at two pounds – the sleigh is carrying 321,000 tons per world, not counting Santa, who is usually described as overweight. Reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Pretending that 'flying reindeer' do exist and could pull 10 times the normal amount, we can't do the job with eight, or even nine. We need over 214,200 reindeer for each world trip. This increases the payload – not even counting the sleigh weight – to over 353,430 tons.

"And five. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance – which will heat the reindeer up like meteors entering an atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa – which is slim – would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

"In conclusion: If Santa ever _did_ exist, he's dead now."

And thus, Riku won yet another fierce battle.


End file.
